Do You Have A Good Relationship With Yourself?
3 Ways To Be Your Own Best Friend!
I was about four years old when I realized I had a mind and body of my own and if I were to make it to five, I had to start making better choices.
This epiphany happened at a recreation center where I spent every afternoon during the Summer. One day, I was playing “Superman” with a group of kids my age without adult supervision and of course things got out of hand.
There was a moment during our playtime that I knew for sure that I could fly. I climbed up on a chair and jumped up and off into the air crashing into the solid wall in front of me. Blood gushed out of my forehead as I was rushed to the hospital. The pain I felt as the doctor stitched my head closed left a mark on my psyche as permanent as the scar above my eyebrow that’s still visible to this day.
What was the takeaway from that decades old incident that laid the groundwork for a lifelong friendship with myself? Well, the biggest thing I discovered while my head throbbed head for a week was that I had to live with my choices. None of my so-called peers, who were equally as goofy, stopped me from leaping off the chair or lived with the consequential patch over their eye.
Now, that I’m an adult, the lesson learned from the “Superman” incident has stood the test of time, but as we get older it gets even harder to make great choices when you’re not on your own team.
Most of the time we have an inkling when we’re getting in our own way. But sometimes, our ego leads us down a path of destruction all the while telling us how smart and cool we are.
So how can you make sure you’re being you’re own bestie? Here are three questions that could help you determine if you are being true blue to you when you’re making a decision.
Is this situation right for me right now? — Sometimes we battle with what we want in the moment versus what is good for our life overall. We cause ourselves undue anxiety by doing things that require us to abandon our connection with ourselves in order to achieve something we deeply want in the world. But a true friend is looking out for your highest good and always wants the best for you. Decisions that are positive often feel intuitively in alignment and happen with a feeling of synchronicity. So, the next time you’re trying hard to make something happen that feels off, do a litmus test by asking yourself, “Is this good for me?” The answer just might be no.
Do I feel safe? — My five year old self had yet to develop the concept of safety or an understanding of how the lack thereof could cause tremendous pain. But the adult me now knows that part of being your own best friend is taking steps to create safety and security for yourself in life. If we’re lucky, we have parents or caregivers that care enough to keep us safe. By the time we hit young adulthood, the list gets pretty short of people who will stop us from drinking too much, or bail us out of a financial crisis. Eventually, as our own best friend, we realize that our safety is firmly rooted in the choices we make for ourselves and are deeply connected to our self-worth.
Am I seeking approval? — Peer pressure is real and it did not end with high school. Everyday we are confronted with situations that trigger our insecurities and need to belong from the moment we walk into work or look at our Instagram feed. A true friend, however, just likes you for you without all of the titles and stuff we spend our lives accumulating. If we are to have our own back, it starts with eliminating people, places and things that make us feel like we’re not enough.
Your friendship with yourself will be the longest relationship you have in life so it’s truly worth cultivating. So, what’s the biggest relationship hack for being your own road dog? Trust. All good relationships are built on a foundation of trust. When we keep the promises we make to ourselves our sense of personal integrity and self-love grows along with the bond with our inner sidekick.